Potions Class
Sometimes, when I am tired, I make myself a little concotion I call “wake-up juice”. In the vein of Coke Blak, it is a combination of 30% cold coffee and 70% Diet Coke. No additional sweetner. Extra caffeine and none of the sugar!
But if I’m feeling REALLY crazy, I toss in a shot of Kaluha.
It’s gross, I know, but bear with me. I am documenting a vital component of my artistic process, and any blog about said process would be incomplete without an homage to this Frankenstein abomination of a beverage not dared to be brewed even in Professor Snape’s potion dungeon at Howgarts.
For the record, I don’t usually drink it. Most of the time I drink one or the other, iced coffee or Diet Coke. If I want alcohol, I usually drink sake.
I don’t really like hot coffee. I’ll drink it if I’m feeling chilly, or if it’s the only option, but like with my tea, I prefer it iced. I have an awesome icemaker in my fridge. One of the ones where you just push your glass against the tab on the door to fill it with ice. God in Heaven, I love that icemaker. I imagine it’s how kings must feel, having an icemaker like that. It was pretty much the ONLY non-negotiable item for me when we remodeled the kitchen. None of the fridges with icemakers I liked fit through our narrow, pre-war doorway, but I was relentless in finding one no matter how much my contractor griped.
I make a mean iced coffee. For starters I take one part of Fresh Direct’s French Vanilla roast, and two parts of their Sinful Delight roast. I grind the beans together and use them to brew a pot of coffee to the brim. I use maybe 30% more bean than needed for hot coffee to offset the ice. Then I let it cool, and empty it into a pitcher I place in the fridge.
First thing each morning (around 6:45), I stumble from bed and make a glass of iced coffee, usually with 1.5 packets of Equal. No milk. Once that is prepared, I feed the howling cats, and drink it while I watch them to make sure the fat one eats her Wheaties and the skinny one eats his Captain Crunch. If I stop watching for an instant, they switch bowls. Seriously.
From then to about noon, that’s all I drink, then I usually have a glass of water or some Snapple white tea with lunch.
After lunch, when I get my afternoon slump, it’s on to soda. I’ve always been a big Coke drinker, but since I turned 30, I gain weight like a barrel in a rainstorm, so I switched to Diet Coke. Saved myself like 500 calories a day. I’m so used to it now that I prefer it to regular Coke.
But sometimes Coke’s not enough, and I don’t like straight coffee past noon. What’s a man to do?
Hence, my Frankenstein drink, which I have been known to sip thoughtfully at 2am when I am trying to finish a stubborn chapter or meet a writing quota.
And like now.
Yum.
I’ve tasted this ungodly colloidal dispersion, and yuck. But hey, whatever helps you concentrate, I’m all for. I’ll even mix it up for you. Maybe I’ll buy a caldron…
You know, if *I* had ever done a blog entry like this, you would have immediately popped up in the comments section with “dude, *nobody* wants to hear what you like to drink.”
But the irony here is that, now that you’re a big shot writer, *everyone* is going to want to hear what you had to drink.
Bah.
“Colloidal dispersion” sounds way grosser than it actually is.
“Man, I had to replace the whole toilet after that colloidal dispersion I had…”
Since when am I a big shot? I don’t think I would have a problem reading about disgusting things that my friends like to eat and drink. It’s fascinating.
Don’t pretend you don’t eat weird shit when no one is looking. You totally do.
Let me direct you to a link that might be able to convince you of your newly earned “big shot” status – https://www.petervbrett.com/news/default.html.
See the map at the top? Not exactly what you call a small debut for a fantasy novelist.
Nobody is saying you’re an ego maniac, but Christ on a pogo stick, dude. Let’s call this thing what it is.
Most fantasy authors I know, even successful ones with 3-5 books in print still have day jobs.
Do you have a day job?
Yeah, I thought not.