Why I Stopped Blogging Politics
Haven’t gotten much writing done in the last two days, despite a looming deadline on The Desert Spear. Part of this is because I am recovering from a cold, and Dani had a 103 fever for two days and I’ve been pulling extra daddy-time that’s left me exhausted.
Part, but not all.
I’ve had a few chances to work, but in those short times when I needed all my focus, I couldn’t find it, because other things were weighing on my mind. I had… an episode.
You see, I am a recovering addict. Not of drugs or drink, but of partisan politics. I started my first blog after the 2004 election, when I was full of righteous partisan fire, and needed to rant and rave about all the injustices of the world. It was a dark time in my life, and I needed to get it out of my system.
I remained that way for years, spouting my beliefs and verbally eviscerating anyone that dared to disagree. I’m a practiced professional writer and editor, and can do a pretty good job of that, especially when on my own turf. It didn’t matter HOW I won an argument, only that I did. It didn’t matter if I WAS right, only that I SEEMED right, even if all it meant was that I was shouting the loudest and citing the most obscure and out-of-context facts.
But over those years, I came to realize that I was very unhappy. I was angry all the time, ready to fly off the handle about every burp and fart of the Bush Administration. My nerves were shot, and I was a miserable person to be around. I hated my job, I had health problems, and my life was an all-around mess.
I also came to realize, now that I was paying closer attention, that politically, I was more moderate than I first realized. I could understand the Republican POV on a variety of issues, and realized that both sides have some legitimate arguments underneath all the endless piles of bullshit they spew. While the Democrats are, on paper, much closer to my own ideological beliefs, in actuality, most of the party is every bit as corrupt and/or incompetent as their GOP counterparts. When I voted Democrat, I was voting the lesser of two evils. I got tired of having to defend every bone-headed thing my party did. My throat was sore from yelling, and no one was really listening, anyway. They were either just nodding along or waiting for their turn to shout in response.
Slowly, the context of my blog shifted, and I started talking about things that made me happy, instead. Things I loved. Writing. Music. Reading. Comics. Art. My friends. I changed the focus of my energies back towards creating things and not trying to tear them down. I got serious about my writing.
And my life changed. Things started going right for me after many years of going wrong. I was happier at work. I was happier at home. My finances improved. My writing got better and better. People started to take notice of it.
When I sold my first book, I decided to create a full author’s website, with all sorts of bells and whistles. Part of that would be a blog, and I wanted to migrate all the posts from my old blog to the new site, to show my path from a struggling hobby writer to one with a big publishing deal. Let people see the real me, insecurities and all.
I discussed it with my best friend, who also happened to be a staunch Republican and my favorite political sparring partner. He told me I should cut all the posts about politics in the migration, because if I didn’t, I would be alienating 50% of my readers for no good reason. The only way to end a war is to stop fighting it.
It was good advice, and I took it. For the most part, there has been no mention of politics on my website, and I think it is much better for it. I was on the wagon.
Then came facebook. I love facebook. It put me in touch with long-lost friends and readers of my book worldwide. It let me share my life, and share in the lives of others I care about. It’s an amazing and heady feeling.
Among my new facebook friends were a number of cousins whom I had very little close relation with. After my brother died in 1997, I lost touch with a lot of my extended family, because he was the social one, and I was the shy one. I’ve always regretted that, and was very happy to have a second chance to reforge some of those broken links.
One of those cousins was a good dozen years older than me, so we had never been really close, apart from skiing together as kids. He’s lived out of New York most of my adult life, and if I see him briefly once every five years, it’s a lot. When we first became facebook friends, we exchanged some of what I took to be good natured teasing of each other, much like when we were kids. I called him old, we made fun of each others’ musical taste, etc. It was all good fun.
But then, a few weeks ago, on inauguration day when everyone in the country’s blood was up for one reason or another, we had a few spats about politics in the comment section of our (and other cousins’) status updates. It got a little out of control, dragging others in, and while I was as much a part of it as anyone, it made me really uncomfortable. I think of my facebook page as part of my overall cyber-presence, an extension of my website, and I don’t want to turn it into a partisan battleground.
So I stopped posting status updates about politics, and stopped responding to my cousin’s political ones. It wasn’t until a partisan jab came to my message inbox as part of a mass-mailing that I stupidly took the bait. Worse, I took it publicly, hitting the dreaded “reply-all” button even though there were at least three people on the list I didn’t even know. I lashed out with a snide remark on impulse, and immediately regretted it upon hitting “send”.
My cousin responded in kind, also publicly, and my blood got up a bit again. Then another cousin who I was even less close to jumped in, going on a long partisan rant and doing it in a way that felt like a personal attack on me as much as a political debate.
By then I was all fired up and ready to pick a fight. I pinpointed the weaknesses in his rant, and was all set to slice his arguments to ribbons. I was BURNING to do it, and do it for everyone to see. I couldn’t think about anything else. My fucking hands were shaking to do it. My heart was pounding and my chest was tight and by God I was ready to fight.
But then I realized how awful I felt. How unlike myself. I was filled with righteous fire, but I was the one getting burned by it. Was I honestly about to attack my own cousins in public over some stupid snarky remark? WTF?
This is how I used to feel, back when I was unhappy all the time, and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I don’t like the partisan me, and I don’t think I’m alone. The country has real problems that need immediate attention and teamwork to be solved. Partisan politics is about maintaining the status quo, and that has obviously not worked.
I firmly believe that think one of the main reasons, perhaps the most telling reason, that Obama beat Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination is that Obama offered a glimmer of hope, however dim, that he would work to move past such things and start acting like a grownup. His lack of resume was a plus in a lot of ways, because we all dared hope that he hadn’t been in Washington long enough to be permanently scarred in the partisan battleground of Congress where Left and Right are as divided as the Israelis and the Palestinians. Obama’s speech on race relations in response to the Jeremiah Wright scandal, which I consider perhaps the greatest oration of my lifetime, showed that he was honestly looking at both sides of the problem and giving everyone’s issues fair consideration in his search for a solution.
“The time has come to put away childish things,” Obama said in his inauguration speech, and it touched me. I’m not ashamed to say I cried a little and hugged my infant daughter, sitting in my lap.
I want to be better than I have been, and while I may not be perfect and I may stumble and regress sometimes, I’m going to try. I’m not saying I won’t ever take a political stand on something on this blog; I probably will. But if I do, I am going try my best to be fair about it. With a new baby and a book deal, my free time is very precious to me, and I don’t want to spend that time angry. I don’t want Cassie to grow up with a father who’s shouting all the time.
There’s a big part of me that still wants to rant about politics all the time, but I need to prove something to MYSELF by learning to let it go. I think I’ll be a lot happier that way.
I feel better already.
This is a more than a peephole. A thoughtful and intimate essay.
I can very much relate to the challenge of caring for and respecting people you staunchly disagree with–including the occasional family member. I’ve also wrestled with the question of whether to write about politics on a blog principally aimed at my fantasy readers. My own choice was to keep it to a minimum, but not to edit out completely that aspect of myself. Crucially, though, I aim to write nothing, online or elsewhere, that I would not be proud to have attached to my name.
Once in a blue moon, that even includes fury–my NY Post/Chimpanzee Cartoon essay certainly qualifies! But I salute you for knowing what your own path required of you, and having the discipline to do it.
I get like this when I’m arguing with religious people (I consider myself religious, but not in a ram-down-your-throat kind of way). The idea that only certain people are allowed into Heaven makes me shake with rage. And then there was an awful article published in my favourite newspaper a few days ago, where the writer was calling for the massacre of all dogs. I was beyond anger, especially when there was such a poor, ineffectual response in the Letters section. It can be hard to let go of things, sometimes.
Welcome home, Flame Warrior. I’m glad that your time is occupied with important things like a wife and daughter and hordes of fans eagerly awaiting your next book. (Like me, for example.)
I hope you and Dani are feeling better soon.
I totally relate to this. Politics is my favorite blood sport, and I have argued for both sides of the isle, eventually settling on the fact that most political arguments are useless and vexing and have no purpose other than being intellectually masturbatory. Now I just argue economic policy, because it’s based on numbers. It’s kinda sad, even though there are tons of people who are passionate about civics we rarely listen to each other.
Agreed, though I would say that economic policy is just as subjective, since the entire world financial system is based as much on the PERCEPTION of value as it is actual value. Money is, at its core, an abstract concept, which is something most folks forget. The numbers can change overnight if investors or banks are feeling skittish, and this is something that neither Wall Street nor Washington has much control over.