Hurdles and the Meadow Myth

I’ve been trying to blog more this year, rather than having Meg do all the posting. I kind of miss it. I had the Peephole in My Skull blog for YEARS prior to being published, and it was always a good way to get my thoughts and emotions in order, regardless of whether anyone was reading.

These days, though, I confess to a certain amount of guilt when I spend time blogging instead of working on Skull Throne, especially with writing time at such a premium. No one really cares about my thoughts, after all. Blogging is just a vanity. Frankly, anything I do is a vanity, if it’s not pounding out my next book.

Or at least that’s how it feels sometimes, looking at my twitter and facebook feed.

I know it comes from a good place. People enjoy my work and want more of it, and I can’t be ungrateful about that. Hell, it’s a dream come true. Sometimes it just makes life feel like a collection of hurdles to leap in order to get to that beautiful, tranquil meadow where I can sit and write in peace.

To begin with, I have to work around Cassie’s schedule. The 6 hour window when she’s at school goes by in an eyeblink. Cass is the sweetest, most well-behaved four year old I know, but she still requires constant attention. There is no work of any kind getting done when she’s around, much less writing.

Even on days when C’s with her mother, there seem to be more hurdles than writing time. For instance, I worked a 12 hour day yesterday, and when all was said and done, I had a paltry 445 words to show for it.

Writer’s block? No. The current chapter of Skull Throne is actually coming along quite well. It was because I spent the day paying estimated taxes, changing my address on everything after moving my office, making convention/travel arrangements, reviewing several contracts, paying bills, answering the more urgent messages in my overflowing inbox, and signing more than a ream of flysheets for Unfettered.

Have you ever signed a ream of paper? It seems a simple task, but in truth it is tedious, time consuming, and hurts your back. I remember thinking halfway though, “There has GOT to be a better use of my time”.

Then I felt guilty about that, too. Unfettered is a fantastic anthology for a great cause and I am proud to be a part of it. It’s a rare team-up of FANTASTIC authors, and the flysheets are a wonderful opportunity to create amazing (and priceless) collector’s items for those (very patient) fans who pre-ordered them.

The only actual writing time I managed to steal yesterday was the 45 minute subway ride to Naomi Novik’s apartment uptown last night to drop off the Unfettered pages. All things considered, I think 445 words was a pretty solid count for that.

Last week, it was packing up and moving my office. Before that it was selling my apartment, and finding an office renter. Before that it was the pallet full of books to sign for Goldsboro, and before that the book launch and various tours.

I keep telling myself, “Just one more hurdle, and my schedule will be clear. It will be sunny and warm and I can walk to the great meadow in the park and just write.”

But it’s never just one more hurdle, is it? Sometimes the next one or two are all you can see, but there are always more beyond, and will be till you die. Free time is a luxury few of us can afford.

I’m not so self-involved as to think I’m alone in this. Every adult deals with it in some form, and most kids, too. “If I just get through this math test, or that term paper, my worries will be over. I can sit in the meadow and just read.” I distinctly remember feeling that way.

But as my buddy Myke Cole always tells me, there’s nothing for it but to press. Keep your eye on that next hurdle, clear the fuck out of it, and get ready for the next.

I may never make it to that mythical meadow, but I’ll find—no, MAKE—time to write, anyway. There’s too much story left to tell.

I seem to recall something about a cliff…

Posted on June 13, 2013 at 4:56 pm by PeatB
Filed under Cassie, Craft, Life, Mudboy, Musings, Writing
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